I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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