i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
