i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
