Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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