Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
