Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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