In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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