dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
