Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
