i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
