Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
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Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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