I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
