I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
