i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
