lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
