I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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