THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
two words...techno handjob
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
