look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can I color on your dick again?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
