why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
