i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
