I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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