I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
