I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
