So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
