bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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