just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
