I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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