textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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