so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
