I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
