i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
