Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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