i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
