Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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