i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
