I should be sponsored by Trojan
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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