Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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