you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
