i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize