A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
