You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize