Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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