I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
