census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
