Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
