i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
