He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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