what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
