I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
