So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
