I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
