it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
