trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
