When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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