i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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