I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
