So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The struggles of a small town man whore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
