eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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