So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
