My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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