Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
