thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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