he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
