a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
