I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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