If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
