How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
