Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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