watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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