I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
