if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
