the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
