A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
