You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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