is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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