were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
