my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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