dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
