I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
